Corona Presidential Vexations & Musings

In 2015 despite his NEPA Certificate and despite his advanced age you voted for Buhari, and despite being a Fulani man that has chanced you from time immemorial, you voted for the General to save you from a clueless Jonathan, a PhD holder. Wonderful.

When Orubibi began advanced crying about your miserable future, you joined in mocking him and Igbo people foolish enough not to join your conspiracy confederation of non-SS and SE tribes to restore Nigeria to the old status quo.

You re-elected him in 2019, please don’t mention rigging, by voting for him in 2015, you committed us to him, or did you think he will die before 2019., did you check how old Shagari was before voting Bubu, Fulani like him live to be 100 years old.

Ok, The man meets endlessly with his subordinates, attends and holds various meetings, the man has no time for Aisha from what I can see, he gets sick, he travels to benefit from the miracles of oyibo medicine and gets back in the mix right away and you that cannot even leave your state and visit your village pipu are still complaining.

Implacable Corona arrived and you demand leadership from Mr. President.

Your grandfather president gives a speech, Young lazy youths start checking his English and pronunciation and declare it a disaster even as you make apologies and embellish the reputations of your criminal acquaintances who speak the nonsense you like hearing.

Come, you that is shouting about Buhari, did you vote in protest for Moghalu or Sowere, not at all, you gave your votes to that generous and flashy retired millionaire customs officer living large on your import duties.

Bubu retreats into his prison in the villa in possible embarrassment and continues to hold meetings until he becomes fatigued and or caught the corona from his able assistant.

His wife already annoyed at how he strains himself for you and has no time for her ordered an immediate lockdown to keep him all to herself and to avoid the spread through the villa, even fear catch English speaking Osinbajo who has allegedly quarantined himself to avoid contact with the masses, who has time for nonsense.

Instead of praying for them, you demand leadership, you want endlessly grammar and public meetings where the rigors of communication Will require proximity and removal of face masks out of annoyance, have you tried talking through a mask.

You want him to close all airports and all borders and all markets and give everyone N441,000.00 like America abi, you want sanitizers because you see oyibo people on TV and you are blaming Bubu for the inflationary cost of everything even as you manufacture fake sanitizers and masks and sell it in your shop.

You were not watching the CNN when the governor of New York with a budget of $163b cannot find 30000 ventilators to buy self, You want $10000.00 ventilators in every general hospital and enough to go around for 150m Nigerians if this corona gets out of hands, pray how will they even be shipped or flown in if everything is closed down. Ventilators cannot be shared and will have to be on a victim till the recover oh.

Nothing is working nothing is working, but you bought re-charge card and are here on Facebook with your iPhone. Nothing is working nothing is working but you are watching CNN on DSTV, nothing is working, but your alerts are pinging you.

Governors are scrambling and making declarations and raiding supplies that are not even enough for the IDP camps, a nation on auto pilot and less foot movement and no-nonsense speeches, you are not satisfied.

What do you really want more speeches for again, is it so that you can bring out your dictionary and listen to his intonation and start screaming and laughing to high heavens because his Fulfulde English does not sound like the Moghalu you refused to vote for and because of some false sense of superiority because you read a few books by dead European wizards.

Please eat that your book you hear and that your nonsense phone accent no de impress me oh.

I tire for us oh!

By Terhemba Osuji